It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
