Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
