you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
