tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
