I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
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I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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