I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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