I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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