Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
