Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
