Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
