3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
