my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize