Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
