2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Randomize
