): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
