Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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