So drunk its hurt
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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