Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
