Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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