you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
