worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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