Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
