yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
