How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
