Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i barfeds in our rink
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
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