im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
