I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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