I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
