hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
