Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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