he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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