hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Operation Purity has been aborted
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
