gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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