halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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