Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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