I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
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