His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
