the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
