I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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