Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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