Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I will pee on everything he values.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
