just come out here and I will go home with you...
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
