I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Randomize
