96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
