OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
