I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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