I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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