Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
