My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Are we still banned from the library?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Randomize
