I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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