I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
