I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
