Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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