Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
