guys are not supposed to queef...right?
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
