i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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