dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
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