Already got asked if we're dating
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
