I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
