i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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