Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
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