Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
