i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
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