I'll bet she douches with gravy.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize