I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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