Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
