She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
