i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
