I'm pants shitting drunk right now
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
