Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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