So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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