Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
