I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
