My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
