I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
soo... how was my night?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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