perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
