i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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