dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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