Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
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