I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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