really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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