Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Randomize
