Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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